| The
Top 20 Reasons Dogs Do Not Use Computers... 20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95. 19. Fetch command not available on all platforms. 18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side. 17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit. 16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail." 15. Fire hydrant icon is very frustrating. 14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www . pethouse.com instead of working. 13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG Frisbee. 12. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver. 11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging. 10. Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb. 9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome. 8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand... 7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software. 6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test. 5. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question! 4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver. 3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg. 2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms. and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Do Not Use Computers... 1. TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,.* Did you
ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at
you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head
out the window! My
neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other,
"Woof!" The other replies, "Moo!" The
dog is perplexed. "Moo? Why did you say,
"Moo'?" The other dog says, "I'm trying to
learn a foreign language." Life
is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the
scenery never changes. There
are three faithful friends--an old wife, an old dog and
ready money. The
other day I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter.
One of them says to the other, "How do you like
that? Pay toilets!" They
say the dog is man's best friend. I don't believe that.
How many of your friends have you neutered? I
went to an exclusive kennel club. It was very exclusive.
There was a sign out front: "No Dogs Allowed." |